An Ode to Slurpies

This story is provided for your reading pleasure only. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

Back in the day, in high school actually, a few buddies and I had this weekly ritual during the summer. Typically on a Friday or Saturday night (or both) we would head over to 7-11 in Wakefield to buy 24 and 32 oz. Slurpies. Directly after, we'd head to Lake Quinnepouet (sp?) in Wakefield. Now if you aren't familiar with this lake, here's some background info: Normally in the summer months people like to walk around the lake and enjoy the scenery, go for a bike ride or have a make-out session with a significant other. On weekends it was common to see people out there until midnight or later.

Anyways, my friend Alex was usually the driver, my friend Mike and anyone else with us would sit in the back seat and I would ride shotgun with my weapons (the drinks) in hand. When we spotted our target, Alex would dim the lights and slow down to about 20 miles an hour. I would then grab the Slurpie and toss it out the window at the target, speeding off immediately after. I knew I was a natural the first time I tossed one as I hit some punk 15 yr. old kid with a sideways hat directly in the head! This went on for 3 years in high school, as we experimented with other drinks and water balloons, and we even had a Throwback Night freshman yr. in college just for memory's sake. Believe it or not, we never got arrested. Before you shout "You are such an asshole!", I'll reassure you we had a set rules:

No Slurpies will be thrown at:

-Anyone under 12 or over 65 due to the fragile nature of this demographic

-Dogs, cats or any other animals because animal cruelty is wrong

-Disabled people since we'd clearly go to hell

-Any relatives or friends for obvious reasons

Due to the fact that none of us drank or smoked pot in high school, I consider our actions justified, not to mention a shitload more fun than getting fucked up. There's nothing like the look on some little punk's face as he realizes his No Fear shirt and JNCO jeans are about to be drenched in Slurpie, or Diet Coke, or whatever else was in the cup. I understand that our actions were wrong, and that I'll probably get a 64 oz. mega-Slurpie thrown at me sometime in the near future, but it was a fun phase in my life nonetheless. If any of you semi-sheltered high schoolers with nothing to do this friday night are reading this, please don't engage in this type of activity. You will go to jail. Go get your older bro/sis to buy you a 30 pack of Busch Light and an ounce of weed and have a blast. Peace.