We tradin' jail stories
Six years ago I was in Marco Island, Florida with my two cousins visiting my grandparents. During the trip I had driven down to the Everglades and bought a 4 inch push dagger for $25. The thing looked badass, with four finger holes (like brass knuckles) and four dull prongs surrounding the blade. My cousins both bought pocket knives, and had no problems transporting them on their carry-ons. My flight was a day later, and I figured since security gave them no trouble that I'd be fine. I figured the worst case scenario was that I'd just tell them it was a souvenir. Ahhh retarded 19 year old logic.
The old man monitoring the conveyor belt saw the knife appear on the screen and told me to stay put. He then told me to follow him into a room close by. Soon, four police officers appeared, one made a phone call and then said "he's goin' to jail". They cuffed me and walked me through the airport, my head bowed in shame in front of my grandparents and an assortment of random people.
They put me in a holding cell, where I called my parents. My mom thought it was a joke, but after a few minutes of me assuring her that my vacation was going to be extented, she started freaking out. I was photographed and fingerprinted, and after about an hour they threw me in a cruiser on the way to Lee County Jail.
The cell in the jail was about 10x15, with 12-13 dudes of all races co-habitating. One guy looked exactly like Busta Rhymes and another looked like Biggie without the cockeye. "Biggie" ended up throwing up in the lone cell toilet. Despite their lack of hygiene, these guys were pretty quiet and none of them gave me shit. One short, bald hispanic looking guy sat in the corner completely lifeless; I could've sworn he was dead.
After 6 hours the security guard finally called me out. My grandfather paid the $500 bond and my uncle ended up finding the only lawyer open within a 20 mile radius (it was a sunday). The lawyer shows up in his fishing attire and interrogates me for a half hour or so. He said tells me I'm being charged with a misdemeanor and he can represent me in court. He tells me if I was charged with a felony, I could've spent at least a year in jail.
The lawyer's fees were around $2500 and he did represent me in court. The only "penalty" I ended up receiving was that I can never apply for a police job in the state of Florida.
The next day I was watching TV at the condo when a news story came on about a guy who had a marijuana farm growing in his basement. The man was none other than the short, bald hispanic dude in my cell. I couldn't believe it.
The old man monitoring the conveyor belt saw the knife appear on the screen and told me to stay put. He then told me to follow him into a room close by. Soon, four police officers appeared, one made a phone call and then said "he's goin' to jail". They cuffed me and walked me through the airport, my head bowed in shame in front of my grandparents and an assortment of random people.
They put me in a holding cell, where I called my parents. My mom thought it was a joke, but after a few minutes of me assuring her that my vacation was going to be extented, she started freaking out. I was photographed and fingerprinted, and after about an hour they threw me in a cruiser on the way to Lee County Jail.
The cell in the jail was about 10x15, with 12-13 dudes of all races co-habitating. One guy looked exactly like Busta Rhymes and another looked like Biggie without the cockeye. "Biggie" ended up throwing up in the lone cell toilet. Despite their lack of hygiene, these guys were pretty quiet and none of them gave me shit. One short, bald hispanic looking guy sat in the corner completely lifeless; I could've sworn he was dead.
After 6 hours the security guard finally called me out. My grandfather paid the $500 bond and my uncle ended up finding the only lawyer open within a 20 mile radius (it was a sunday). The lawyer shows up in his fishing attire and interrogates me for a half hour or so. He said tells me I'm being charged with a misdemeanor and he can represent me in court. He tells me if I was charged with a felony, I could've spent at least a year in jail.
The lawyer's fees were around $2500 and he did represent me in court. The only "penalty" I ended up receiving was that I can never apply for a police job in the state of Florida.
The next day I was watching TV at the condo when a news story came on about a guy who had a marijuana farm growing in his basement. The man was none other than the short, bald hispanic dude in my cell. I couldn't believe it.
posted by ToineWalker at 4:58 PM
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